I love watching the Travel Network, but I can never seem to find it on TV. It's always moving around the channels!

All I want is for them to smile,
A happy moment that lasts a while,
Even if it's because I gaffe,
Just so long as it makes them laugh.

English Lit teacher: The lesson for today...(on and on)
loud student: blah blah blah
English Lit teacher: Young man, silence please.
loud student: blah blah blah
English Lit teacher: I've asked nicely...
loud student: blah blah blah
English Lit teacher: (leaning over the young man) Who says nothing
is prepared for everything. A word of yours allowed to drop may be seized
in some unknown system of wheels, and your utter destruction
be compassed in its complex machinery.
loud student: What's that supposed to mean?
English Lit teacher: SHUT-UP!
loud student: (cricket noise in silence)
English Lit teacher: (to himself) Thanks, Victor.

Today Strummer...

I picked you up from school. You ran into my arms. You said goodbye to a friend. I offered you either of two kinds of gum. You chose the mint gum, but quickly it was stuck to the outside of car. You asked if we could go to the gas station so you could show me what kind of gum it was that you liked. You showed me. It was pretty much the same kind of gum I had given you. We saw Twinkies. We bought them. Then we went to go see if we could see some Iguanas. We saw one and thought that was going to be it, then, out of nowhere, somehow, you spotted one in a tree. That was neat, the iguana perched in the branches. I brought you to your Abuela's. You went to the front door and rang the bell, over and over and over. I pulled your hand down and laughed. I told you to stop, not to break the bell. Ms.Chief got her hold over you and you reached up again to ring the bell. I pulled it down and made a cup with one of my hands over the bell. You laughed heartily at the challenge I presented to you. You tried to pull my hand away from the bell. Then you flattened your hand and snuck it under my cup and rang the bell. Victory! Then we went inside. I watched you ride your tricycle around the back porch with more ferocious control than any professional could have done. My heart raced when I saw you head straight for the wall at such a speed, only to see you peel off in a turn at precisely the last moment before crash! I gave you a kiss and said I had to leave. You hugged me and said, "I love you." I said I love you too and told you to be careful. You told me to be carefuller. As I closed the door behind me, I heard the grinding pebble crunch of the plastic wheels on the tile and looked out to the back porch. I saw a flash of a red shirt go by, peddling with all its might. I'll never lose that image. The door closed. I trust you peeled off before crash!

I'm here to formulate the really important questions....like if you had a delicious piece of tasty sweet gum and chewed on it for a while until it had scarcely any flavour left in it's resin and you decided you wanted to enjoy another piece of that same gum, would you lose some of the flavour of that second peice if you left the first piece in your mouth and chewed on both peices at the same time? Would the first piece steal some of the flavour? Would the second piece's flavour be distributed to your taste buds in lesser degrees because of the presence of the first piece? This is all for some other person of science to study and determine and find out. Me, I just formulate the questions, that's why I'm here.

HOW TO LOSE WAIT

I work on the fifth floor of an office building. Recently, some of my fellow employees started up a fitness trend to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

I didn't bite.

Then about two weeks ago, as I was ready to leave work, I went to the elevators and noticed one of them was out of service and being worked on by a repairman. When I got downstairs and outside, I saw his repair vehicle in front of the building. On the side of the van was a sign that read, "Finist Elavater Repare."

So far I've lost 3 lbs. taking the stairs.

I never let black cats cross my path, but trains always, ALWAYS do.

That's gotta mean something.

Occasionally, I'll look for a 4-leaf clover.