Highlights from a doctor visit


I was given a questonnaire to determine if I was bipolar, depressed or both. One of the questions was, "Sometimes, do you feel more confident than usual, like you are smarter than everybody?" It was one of the few I agreed with. The doctor went over the test and re-read the question and my answer. He said, "So sometimes you're more confident that other times and you think you're smarter than everybody?" I was quick to correct him, "I am always confident, not just sometimes. And I am smarter than everybody, I don't just think it."

Man, did he have his pen out in a flash wanting to write a prescription.

I stopped him.

Later, he suggested I cut out my consumption of alcohol entirely. He nodded and asked me if I wanted a prescription that would help me to stop drinking. I thought he was joking and laughed. He said he could in fact get me a medicine that would make me stop drinking. He didn't look like he was kidding.

I said, "Yeah, really, you can prescribe heroin?"

"No," He said, "I can give you a pill that makes you vomit whenever you drink alcohol."

In my day, drug dealers worked from street corners. Now, they have offices in medical buildings.

A Healthy Lunch

Part One - Broccoli

Instead of driving to McDonald's for a double cheeseburger, I walked to Publix for broccoli and an apple. Thought it would a healthy thing to do. My blood pressure is high and I get winded far too easy, so you got to start somewhere right? It was a pleasant day so the walk over to Publix was agreeable. In order to get there from the building where I work, you need to traverse a large parking lot, caddy-cross a busy intersection and walk around a strip mall's thoroughfare. Which on the way there was quite manageable. I purchased a shiny, perfectly shaped red delicious apple, the first I was going to eat in years, and a small package of broccoli flourets - it was either the broccoli or fresh green beans, which I actually would have preferred but the package was too big for me to eat (and too pricey for me to purchase). I took my nutritious lunch to the small indoor mall adjacent to the supermarket where I sit in peace sometimes. Unfortunately, the bench at the far end of the mall, which is usually deserted, was being used by a round man who sat with his arms outstretched, laying claim to that particular parcel of real estate. I settled for a seat near the center of the mall where there were four benches that faced each other in a square design. It was more crowded than I care for - only two other people but I usually like no company at all when I take my mid-day leave from work - however, I did get a bench all to myself. There was an elderly woman sitting on the bench to my left. She looked like she was trying to figure out just when would be long enough to make sitting and do nothing effective. To my right sat a fast lady. She was twittering through her various papers rapidly in between bites from some unknown sandwich meal. I placed my plastic bag on the bench next to me and took out the flourets. I punctured a hole in the plasticine and tore open a gash from which I could extract the small trees. I grabbed a green cluster that was a good size, judged by me as a good size so that I could drop it in its entirety into my mouth. Plunk, crunch, crunch. It worked. Delicious and healthy. Hey, this ain't so hard. Looking down to determine my next morsel, I spotted another perfectly sized piece and proceeded to devour that as well. Then another and another and anot- I then realized that broccoli is a vegetable best served with a beverage. I had not, however, allowed myself the remaining funds enough with which to purchase said drink item. Oh well, make the best of it. Another hunk and another, slowly, inconspicuously though, they were getting larger in size until my mouth was saturated with tiny fragments of green matter, teeny little dots of broccoli leaves cluttering between my teeth and cheeks. So deep were these bits that I couldn't drag them out into the chewing area with my tongue. The little specs were gumming up all around the outer edges of my mouth. It was at that very most inopportune moment that what I thought was the impossible occurred. I heard a tiny squeal from my right. It sounded almost mouse like but I was able to make out the words through my sudden panic at being intruded upon: the old woman was asking me if I knew the time. And I was very clearly not wearing a watch. Just as fast as the assault came from my right another came from my left. I was flanked! The fast lady quickly stammer-asked me if it was raining out. And it was very clearly a sunny day. My polite streak transcended this rude behavior from my neighbors and I tried to answer the old woman first, to tell her that while I was not certain of the precise time it was no doubt some time around 1PM as I had left work at approximately 12:40PM. All I heard myself saying was, "Phhblllt nommo brrubber libberim-" I could see the green dust fly from my mouth, chew digested but unswallowed dry molecules of vitamin rich broccoli. Before I had a chance to recover, the fast lady repeated her query about the weather. Again, my utter propensity for politeness took hold and I couldn't resist, "Ffflrrrourim waaaburin dunfferubbin..." They both laughed out loud at my despair. I only then realized, they had been watching me the whole time. What a fool attempting to eat broccoli without a beverage. I got up and left, tossing the remaining broccoli into a trash receptacle. By the time I had cleared my mouth of the small edible shrubbery, my tongue was sore from digging into the vast reservoirs and recesses of my mouth to collect the grainy remnants of flourets.

And the worm still struggles, always it shall. But yet, struggling is life.

Someone thought they were dying of shun, a scourge of the outcast. Secretly going to the doctor, they found out they were dying of normal. They were terribly relieved. The doctor stated, "With shun you could have lived far longer; normal will kill much sooner."

"Yes, aren't I lucky!" Said they, without the slightest hint of sarcasm.

In the dark days to come, I foresee happiness as a limited commodity.


all the more reason to grasp every whisp of it, to delight in it's escense


Oh do do shut up you fool! Cannot you let me enjoy being miserable. And you misthought the spelling of escense (sik) (sic).

When my computer gets real slow sometimes, it's my first reaction to get upset, come on you piece of ----! But then I think remember what a miraculous thing it is to do what it does when it is working.

I hate headaches. Alot. So much so that I'm often thankful that I don't currently have one. Once I started doing that, I get less and less of them.

So when your body stops working properly, it's a reaction to think, why...why? But then remember, what a miracle it is to do what it does when it is working.

Should I go pick him up? Hey, he's only gonna be 1,636 days old once, right?

I went with my brother to Publix to check his blood pressure, he was worried it was very high. I offered to test first, to relax him. My reading: 164/118.

I sipped at a cup of hot coffee, savoring it.