Highlights from a doctor visit


I was given a questonnaire to determine if I was bipolar, depressed or both. One of the questions was, "Sometimes, do you feel more confident than usual, like you are smarter than everybody?" It was one of the few I agreed with. The doctor went over the test and re-read the question and my answer. He said, "So sometimes you're more confident that other times and you think you're smarter than everybody?" I was quick to correct him, "I am always confident, not just sometimes. And I am smarter than everybody, I don't just think it."

Man, did he have his pen out in a flash wanting to write a prescription.

I stopped him.

Later, he suggested I cut out my consumption of alcohol entirely. He nodded and asked me if I wanted a prescription that would help me to stop drinking. I thought he was joking and laughed. He said he could in fact get me a medicine that would make me stop drinking. He didn't look like he was kidding.

I said, "Yeah, really, you can prescribe heroin?"

"No," He said, "I can give you a pill that makes you vomit whenever you drink alcohol."

In my day, drug dealers worked from street corners. Now, they have offices in medical buildings.